I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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