so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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