I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
