Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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