my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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