Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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