if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
