Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
