My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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