I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
