i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize