So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i think i just lost a toe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background