hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.