My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
