No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
