honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
