I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
