from now on my penis is your penis
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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