No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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