someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize