the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
