Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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