Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
