the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
