We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
