My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
