She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
