she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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