Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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