so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
