Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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