i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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