RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
