TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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