Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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