Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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