i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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