No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
