the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
