woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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