i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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