I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
