Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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