He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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