Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
