I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
