If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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