Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
