either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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