I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
