you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
