I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
