It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
