Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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