Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
