Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
