you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
