i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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