I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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