do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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