Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
