bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
