I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
