apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
